Thursday, March 25, 2010

An Ode to Google Books

Why hello, my name is Christian McPherson
most would say I’m a pleasant sort of person
some might even call me a gentle guy
for I write sensitive poetry that make the ladies cry

when I was boy I was a bit of a geek-head
I would play with my Commodore VIC-20 before bed
life with plastic Spock ears was simple you see
and one with a hundred zeroes was googol to me

but the world and I grew quickly up
and computing power went over the top
from the 64 to the IBM PC I went
and there showed up something called the internet

yes the world wide web came along
all the computers of the world were getting on
sharing information on the electronic super highway
bits and bytes by the billions flowing every day

and how was the world to make sense
of all this data that was vast as it was dense?
well Larry Page and Sergey Brin had a plan
and work on their internet search engine they began

yes these two smart and geeky lads
were a couple of computer science grads
and while they were working on their creation
I started to write more than just a flirtation

while these boys birthed out Google
poems and stories flowed from my noodle
and soon to my own surprise and delight
“Am a published author” I could recite

Google went from a noun to a verb
as the term “Googling” was often heard
and a second book I did produce
it was poetry and it wasn’t obtuse

Just like Colin Farrell the thespian
I Googled myself again and again
and up would come my written word
but then I noticed a error had occurred

Google Books had misspelled my last name
and I was very concerned about my online fame
so with a rapid clicking of the mouse
I hit on the link that said “Contact Us”

I fired off an e-mail with great efficiency
if they could please correct their inaccuracy
I told them it’s not MacPherson but Mc(mic)
and the misspelling was making me feel rather sick

they wrote me back they would try to repair
but it would be best if I contacted somebody elsewhere
for they get their book info a third party way
and with that they didn’t have much else to say

I contacted my publisher’s distribution company
and they corrected all spellings that were funny
and then I was much relieved know
that soon I would be again whole

so back to Google Books an e-mail went
that relayed the information I was sent
oh but nothing, but nothing, but nothing was done
and I feel like I’ve tried everything under the sun

I know I’m not the author of the best selling
and I continue to have a name of misspelling
but I bet if I were Stephen King or Margaret Atwood
Google Books would not “try” but sure as hell “would”

the praises of Google I can no longer sing
and I am sadly considering switching to Bing.
at maximum frustration my temper can no longer worsen
hey Google Books, get it right, my name is MCPHERSON!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The Cube People coming this fall

Nightwood Editions will be publishing my novel in the fall, tentatively entitled, “The Cube People.”

“The Cube People” pokes fun of government cubicle culture and follows character Colin MacDonald through his shared journey of fertility treatment with his wife Sarah. At work, a cast of screwball characters surrounds Colin. He toils away at his day job as a computer programmer for the federal government while he dreams of becoming a writer. Recycled air, bad lighting, and bizarre environmental office policies are part of his daily work routine. He spends his lunch hours with his co-worker Phil over at the geriatric filled Sunshine Valley Mall eating fast food. His evenings are filled with scheduled love making sessions until Sarah becomes pregnant. In his limited spare time he works late nights on his new horror novel. Every month or so another rejection letter about his science fiction novel gets dropped into his mailbox.

“The Cube People” cooks its way through this married trinity of ingredients (one part fertility treatment, one part madcap office antics, and one part horror novel) until it reaches its boiling point: childbirth and publication. Colin is overwhelmed with joy at the arrival of his daughter Sammy. More good news comes in the form of an e-mail stating that a publisher has accepted his sci-fi novel. But then tragedy befalls our hero: his publisher is institutionalized, his laptop computer is stolen (which contains his only copy of his new horror novel), and Sarah falls into postpartum depression.

When everything seems lost, an RCMP officer and the brother of a dead man turn Colin’s luck around.

Post publication, Colin still finds himself in his government job trying to write his way out. And back into a love making schedule he goes to try for a second child. When will it end?